I found TBIPS as I looked on-line for a psychoanalytic community to call home after moving to Jacksonville, FL following my Psy.D. program at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Despite numerous psychoanalytic supervisors, psychoanalytic courses, and personal psychoanalytic psychotherapy while in graduate school, I still felt not quite ripe with my own education and training. I honestly appreciated in myself that nagging feeling of wanting more, intellectually and professionally. The clinicians I’ve admired most have been the ones with endless amounts of training and they paradoxically combined their experience and expertise with humble disclosures of feeling they didn’t know enough and needed to know more.
My clients have also indirectly nudged me toward getting more training, as their efforts to get better and their “faith” and “belief” in my ability to help them were all taken as hints as “Go get more training, girl!” I was drawn to TBIPS, in part, by its offerings of long distance training via Skype and telephone. I am deeply grateful to TBIPS for being my intellectual home, and an answer to this need for professional sustenance and support. I’m a Filipino American woman, and there’s a saying in Filipino called “utang na loob.” It is translated as “debt of gratitude” and signifies the Filipino cultural trait of “reciprocity” in relationships or the “debt of one’s inner self.” I feel indebted so, and deeply grateful for TBIPS’ psychoanalytic training and for supervision.
Training and supervision at TBIPS have helped me feel more connected to my clients, helped me to express that connection, to be more human with my clients, and to listen in a particular way that makes sense of our clients’ most troubling symptoms. Psychoanalytic supervision has sensitized me to the ways that I may unintentionally shame clients in well-meaning attempts to be helpful, and how to normalize intense feelings and emotions reported by clients and mutually felt by myself as therapist. It has brought the world of psychoanalytic literature to my home, suggesting relevant articles by contemporary relational psychoanalysts, which I feel have connected me with a wider psychoanalytic community that has such a rich history of thinking deeply about common, difficult, tricky clinical scenarios. Ultimately I feel stimulated and nurtured, and much less isolated as I do the day-to-day work of inching towards emotional intimacy and understanding of clients. Clients report feeling understood, accepted, seen, recognized, as we attempt to bear witness to their emotional suffering. The results have been longer patient lengths of treatment due to decreased premature terminations, more spontaneous expressions of gratitude by clients, greater retention and return rates of clients, and lower no-show rates.
Rose Zayco, PsyD