Fargo

    My favorite TV show (on Fx), inspired by the Coen brothers’ film of the same name, set in Minnesota, always features a laudable female, police chief. Gloria Burgle (Carrie Coon) is that policewoman, only In this its third season, she is demoted from chief, has been left by her husband for a man, has a teenager who prefers the mall to her, and feels she does not exist. Confirmation of her non-existence comes from the sensors on automatic door openers,  soap dispensers, and faucets, none of which ever sense her presence, so do not open, dispense soap, nor turn the water on.

    It is only in the penultimate episode of the season, when Gloria has a listening ear in Winnie Lopez (Olivia Sandoval), a neighboring town’s police officer, that things change for her. Like Horatio to Hamlet, WInnie hears, really hears, and what she hears is Gloria’s fears about not existing. Subsequently, Gloria is able to engage with soap dispenser and faucet sensors. This reminds me, of course, of how infants (and adults) need to be seen and held in the mind of the other to feel one’s existence in the world, to feel part of something bigger than oneself. Good-enough caregivers provide this, as do good-enough therapists, by seeing and holding the experience of the other in mind.

    I was also reminded of Hegel’s understanding that a subject cannot be fully a subject until recognized by another equal subject [within independence is this dependence, that is, there is interdependence]; and of the title of a Dean Martin song, ‘You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you;’ Here love is embodied in the seeing, accepting,and welcoming in of the other, all the parts of the whole other, without having to give up the self (that is, done whether we agree with the other or not). Yesterday, was a sad day in northern Virginia, when baseball practice became tragedy. Perhaps the good coming from it will be a bit more understanding of the other [side of the Congressional aisle].